Frank and Audrey II
by Charlotte Thompson
Summary: Pretty much the one pet Frank would have and like. Purely friendship. Set right in between Rocky getting married and Janet getting seduced. The picture was drawn by yours truly. Audrey II's are my specialty. Hands, eh not so much.


Frank walked into the basement of the castle. Taking up a whole corner of the basement was Audrey II. "You finally killed that Eddie guy?" Audrey II asked.

Frank nodded. He smiled. "Yes. But I can only give you parts because I need to freak out guests and we are eating a leg." He explained. Audrey II nodded, understanding.

Audrey II asked "So what did you gather up for grub?"

"I got fresh road kill. Riffraff killed a deer and only wanted to do the taxidermy thing with the head…"

"Waste of good deer meat and blood."

"I know! That is what I said! Then Eddie for dessert." Frank finished.

"Got it all chopped?" Audrey II asked, smelling the wafting aroma of dead deer from the trashcan.

"Audrey II, I could never torture you like that." Frank answered.

Audrey II smiled. "FEED ME FRANK!" He yelled.

Frank smiled. He loved having a man eating plant as a pet. He even had a whole tape devoted to songs he liked playing during feeding Audrey II. They mainly consisted of rock and of course when 1982 came around Maneater. Frank threw him the meat as he danced around. Frank loved taking care of something like how he took care of Audrey II. When he could have so much fun throwing deer guts into Audrey II's mouth, nothing seemed like a chore with Audrey II. They understood each other.

When done, Audrey II asked "So who is over?"

"Oh, two locals, Brad and Janet. Janet has a lot of breast meat and seems muscular..." Frank explained.

"Are you sure you want to reform that habit, honey?" Audrey II asked. Frank remembered how they met in the first place and shook his head. Audrey II was taking over Denton, so Frank took Audrey II in and was in the process of a rehab.

Frank smiled. "You want to know about my life." He concluded. Audrey II nodded.

"That Krelborn had no interesting qualities. You are very unique and awesome." Audrey II answered.

Frank smiled even harder. He sat down for a second. "Well I really like Brad, but he brought that little potential slut and I am not positive he is gay."

"What about Rocky?" Audrey II asked.

"Well," Frank started. He tried to find words, but wound up letting out a deep breath, not saying anything else.

"You didn't marry this sucker did you?" Audrey II asked. Frank looked guilty and gulped.

"If I didn't he would leave me like Eddie or Columbia." Frank explained.

"Would that be so bad now?" Audrey II asked.

Frank shook his head. "All I want now is Brad to be gay." He admitted. "Well and Janet to admit she is a regular Lily St. Cyr."

"The poor girl is not a prostitute!" Audrey II exclaimed.

Frank shrugged. "I think if she opens up she has potential. I could probably unlock it, then see if Brad is gay!" Frank exclaimed.

Audrey II rolled his eyes "I will never get cross pollination or you sexual reproducers."

"Remember you form pods in my lab…"

"And I do a floorshow, I remember. So who is Mr. Right? Rocky or Brad?"

"Rocky is really great, but Brad has this… dominance I can't get over. Oh he controls the room when he speaks." Frank answered.

"But would you settle with him?" Audrey II asked.  
Frank sighed. "I am sticking with my current choice currently, but I am going to have a little fun with Brad and Janet while Rocky takes a nap."

"Well if you pick Brad, Rocky can be like your son after you divorce." Audrey II noted. Frank nodded.  
"True. Well I have to go." Frank noted.

Audrey II pouted. Frank petted Audrey II's head. "I will come back after this is all over and tell you what happened." Audrey II nodded. Before leaving, Frank kissed Audrey II's head.

When Frank stood in the doorway, Audrey II reminded "If anything goes wrong, we can kill them all."

"Dibs on Janet." They said together. They laughed. Audrey II smiled as Frank left.

"I love my deal with Frank. He is an awesome caretaker." Audrey II mentally noted as he got comfortable.


End file.
